You Might Be An Autograph Hound...

Been a looooooong time since I've posted. It's not that I've forgotten about my blog, it's just that life and time get in the way. Anyways over the past week or so, I've been reminiscing about my old autograph hounding days...and found myself laughing at my memories of the 90's....back when I did most of my hounding. For those who don't know what I'm talking about, let me tell you. An 'autograph hound' is a person who basically donates their entire day to collecting autographs (of athletes, celebrities, etc...) outside of one or many specific locations, like stadiums, arenas, hotels, theaters, etc... God bless 'em! :) Anyways, I've always to post a comedic blog here, so this is my shot at glory. I slightly borrowed a famous comedian style...but I hope you enjoy it. So, after 6 months away from here, let's roll. "You Might Be An Autograph Hound!" You Might Be An Autograph Hound when the player signs your item in his own black Sharpie, and you get angry because he didn't use your blue Sharpie. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you open the new Upper Deck card set, and think to yourself that you can get all 600 cards signed by season's end. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you know difference between a good 'Wendel Clark' autograph and a bad one. You Might Be An Autograph Hound when the first time you went autographing, you swore you weren't going to be one of those weird people...and 3 months later, you have 8 of those weird people's cell numbers on your phone. You Might Be An Autograph Hound when a player signs 3 of 4 cards, and you get upset because the unsigned card was a part of your set. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you know Brett Lawrie changed his autograph between his rookie and sophomore year. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you pass on a free autograph signing, because you have him on 'everything'. You Might Be An Autograph Hound when you arrive at the stadium and say hello at the familiar security guard, and he rolls his eyes at you. You Might Be An Autograph Hound when you get stuck in a jam on the way to the arena, and you text your buddies to see which athletes have arrived before you. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you arrive at a team practice and see alot of people...and get mad. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you know what hotel the Calgary Flames, Colorado Rockies, and Orlando Magic stay at, when visiting your city. You Might Be An Autograph Hound when you have 4 copies of the card signed, by the same player....just because he's nice. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you find yourself waiting at a 'optional' practice, 3 hours early. You Might Be An Autograph Hound when you know players by their vehicles. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if your starstruck by a scout. You Might Be An Autograph Hound when it's 30 below and freezing cold, but you can't leave the practice area's parking area until you get the 5x7 of you and your new favorite player signed, that you got printed at Walmart hours earlier. You Might Be An Autograph Hound when a players says no to signing your card, and you respond; Please...it's for my set. You Might Be An Autograph Hound when you ask the same player for an autograph before practice, after practice, before the game, and after game....all in the same day. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if someone bumps into during the autograph signing, and smears the autograph, and then 2 years later you still want to fight that guy when you see him. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you get angry upon arrival at the team hotel, to see a small mob of people near a bus...only to laugh at yourself when you realize its a group of Asian tourists, not fans of the Utah Jazz. You Might Be An Autograph Hound when you skip a paid signing of Dion Phaneuf, because you know you can get anytime you want for free. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you know the bus drivers name of any team. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if there's more pictures of you and celebrities together on your cell phone, than there pics of your boyfriend/girlfriend. You Might Be An Autograph Hound when you see a new guy trying to get autographs after practice, and don't offer him advice on his favorite player because you want that player to sign for you first. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you remove the blue autograph from your card during practice to get it signed in black, for your set properly, after practice. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you know off by heart, what particular cards players don't sign for their personal reasons. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you believe a personalized autograph is a waste of time. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you hop in a taxi to follow a player from the hotel to the stadium, to get something signed....after they signed for you at the hotel. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you travel to another city to collect autographs from players, that call your city home too. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if 3 well dressed men emerge from a cab, outside the arena, and you stare at them wondering how if they're visiting players. You Might Be An Autograph Hound when pack a lunch and dinner, when you leave home to collect autographs. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you thought staying at the visiting team's hotel overnight, might be good for your collection. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you lit up your last cigarette, only to throw it away quickly at the sight of a player, and thought it might look bad to ask for an autograph with a smoke in your mouth or hand. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if a player says I'm only signing one per person, and you have a meltdown at the thought, because you have 3 items. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you sell your autographs individually on the Internet, instead of trading. Sorry...not a joke. You Might Be An Autograph Hound when you ask a celebrity to roll down their car Window to sign for you. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you know that Roberto Alomar has multiple different autographs. You Might Be An Autograph Hound when you see your friend arriving late to practice, and instead of asking what happened, you start listing off players he missed. You Might Be An Autograph Hound when you recognize player's spouses. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you carry something of Wayne Gretzky with you at all times....because you never know when.... You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you believe every signing habit that you heard about any player is the truth. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you carry 3 or more Sharpies with you at all times. You Might Be An Autograph Hound if you bring your own Sharpies to a public signing. You Might Be An Autograph Hound when you walk away from a player, who asks; who do I make this out to? You Might Be An Autograph Hound if a player asks you how many they've already signed for you. AND FINALLY........... You Might Be An Autograph Hound when after 5 signatures, you throw away that new Sharpie, because it's all used up now. Hope you had a good laugh! C.